“It's all about you.”
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Sunday, April 29, 2012 || 6:14 AM
It's absurd how life catches up with you at some point in time when you least expect it.
Experiencing a mid-life crisis of some sorts: poor decision-making, discipline issues, a jammed schedule and having to find the meaning of life.
I am one who 'sees' the future. I worry about things way before it happens. I jump to conclusions and predict how things turn out before they even happen. I am right and wrong sometimes. I give myself undue stress even when no one's around.
That itself only tells part of the story.
Even after ORD, to be honest, I don't feel any sort of liberation. Freedom from the tight guidelines, yes. Freedom from the old knack of foreseeing things, no. 'Thinking too much' is a sure sign that I bother, and it doesn't go away because if I start thinking any lesser, I won't be thinking about anything at all.
And the thing that irked me a lot recently is the notion of how humanity has degenerated into something unrecognisable. I have seen just how much humanity has evolved over these short few months and am glad to have seen it because if I haven't, I would probably still be in lala-land enjoying my own fantasies. Coming out to the wilderness does help sometimes, but only if you know how to get back to safety.
Grappling with the demands of society has always been difficult, not because we aren't capable, but rather that society has always been hard to please. Simply put, do something a little different from the rest, and you are ostracised for a good part of your life. It's funny how people actually 'will' these things to happen even without understanding or experiencing any sort of that difference everyone seems to speak so lowly about.
It used to be a whole-hearted combination of both, but I have come to a point where I care because I want to, and not because I have to. What does it take to delve into something we really believe in, really? Instead of what others say you should be doing?
Paper stars, don't even inspire me like before anymore.
