“It's all about you.”

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Regrets, regrets.

Been away for a long time from here due to events out of my control, sorry to disappoint any.

A lot of things happening during CNY period, some of them not exactly things you would put up on a blog. Lesser personal time, closer family relations, having to put off my job for a week due to personal reasons, a shitload of thinking through when on car rides to places or back home, twinges of jealousy, twinges of envy, doubts over my overall character, doubts over what I can do better, the list goes on.

I get the feeling blogs are becoming less and less personal? Having to restrain putting up language or phrases that are either too strong or offensive in disguise, getting bitten back when the people you are bitching about behind their backs find out directly through your posts or through others gossiping after reading the posts. The vicious cycle just doesn't end.

That's probably why I tend to bottle up my problems most of the time, sometimes refusing to share them with others. The consequence? We drift away from the silence into nothingness, till we can't see each other clearly anymore. And it's times like these where you want to reel your friends back in from society by opting to pour out more of yourself to them, wanting them to learn and know more about you.

But you know it's too late then, because the ones you want back in your reach are small fish in an ocean-like society, and heaven knows if they are willing to bite the bait on your hook.

Besides, ever had encounters of individuals misunderstanding or even taking advantage of your efforts and actions? I admit, I get weary from constantly giving. I'm being selfish, to think like that, but isn't life about giving and taking? We get so caught up with our own well-being, our own interests, that we neglect about others or even take advantage of them.

The above isn't a lament, do pardon my bluntness if any. There will be readers who disagree with me and blast me even, but honestly, do ask yourself if you have lived through such encounters before you do, or wouldn't have a basis to compare me to.

I know I haven't been a good friend to many, being emotionless and cold one time too many with almost everyone I know. The occasional angst and pessimism didn't help either, costing me a couple of relations which were supposedly stable. I am really sorry for everything, I should have done better.

I hope with all my heart that my friends, and every single person whom I care for, no matter how little, will not fade away. Please.

And so, the truth.

Someone get me a Firewall for my brain please.

A brilliant flair of hope for the briefest of moments, before it extinguishes again.

Disappointment again. And again. And again. Sick of this shit.

I suppose there isn't much to look forward to after all.

No time again.

Meeting some nonsensical customers again these few days. I think some of my colleagues are feeling the strain.