“It's all about you.”

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I am not in your sights.

You don't notice me.

But I am. So don't worry.

Sigh. Sitting down and reading 'Romance of the Three Kingdoms' comics can be pretty fun, yet boring at the same time.

The boredom surpassed the fun. Therefore, I'm bored now. o.O

Don't you think this is a little too familiar?

It's a Saturday. But it's one of those where you feel slightly freed up from exams. I dunno, maybe it's just me and euphoria at French 'O's disappearing from my life.

Went down to school to train today along with Jun Han. The bus was freezing, and our glasses simply fogged up like crazy when we got off at our stop. At least we know how to clean it away, even when Physics exams are over. Tch.

Shooting wasn't good. I got another ZERO. That's the best thing a shooter can ever ask for. But I was more or less okay, considering that I haven't been touching my gun for 2 weeks. Just 1 zero out of 80 shots is quite acceptable.

To Parkway for lunch. If you haven't remembered this fact yet, please do so now: Air Rifle Club members all like KFC. Hope that went into your head and won't come out ever again. Lol.

I spent a bit of time walking around the mall after lunch, while the rest went off. Looked at all the shops, going in and coming out as I please. I feel much at ease compared to previous weeks.

Of course, I really hope my high spirits such as today will continue to persist in the coming days. Or possibly even further. Because it feels wonderful. (:

Goodbye, my unhappy past.

Yay. French O levels are over. That unties another knot amongst my feelings. Whee.

And I am just feeling so happy, I don't know what to blog about.

Lol.

Still getting that twinge of despair. And I'm not surprised.

And it's funny how I am abstaining from video games nowadays. Only when the EOY results are back.

You are disgusting, SC. You really are. And I can't believe I actually trusted you.

SC, I hate you.

I honestly never felt this torn apart in my entire life. Never.

Any time now. I"ll burst into tears at the slightest touch.

This is probably the worst phase of my life ever.

Sometimes, the only remedy I ever need is simply to speak with you.

But I don't deserve it.

Spent my afternoon playing resident Evil 4 again. Hard mode. Not your usual walking-down-the-stairs kind of experience.

Anyway, my brother was in the room when I was in the room playing as well. He was studying. Or supposed to be studying, because his eyes kept flicking to the TV screen to watch me play. And he was giving all sorts of comments when I was playing.

Me: *Enters a stage whereby there is hell lot of enemies within a confined space*

Brother: Use the flash grenade! Stun them! Then you can kick them as well!

Me: Nah, I rather use my shotgun.

Brother: Later you miss lahh. Use the grenade!

Me: ... *continues using shotgun*

(Runs out of ammo)

Me: Ahh. I didn't realise I had only 6 shots left.

Brother: See? I told you use the grenade! You are gonna die liao. Might as well go suicide.

Me: -.-

--------------

Me: *Enters a stage where main character is enclosed in a cage with the boss, boss fight commences* (Enemy weakness is the back of its body)

Brother: DIE!!! Muahahaha...

Me: ... It's the boss killing me, not you.

Brother: Pretend I am the boss then. Muahahahaha...

Me: *Runs around like crazy in the game, trying to avoid the boss*

Brother: You want to run until when, next morning? Just shoot it lahh! *Observes the boss's movement*

(Enemy turns its back onto the main character)

Brother: Shoot! Now!

Me: *Moves the main character one step forward. Boss senses the movement, and charges at main character, killing him*

Me: ... I suppose you can't be a commander...

---------

Ah well, that's that. Wasted my time doing all sorts of stupid things for the rest of the day.

And I'm still bored.

I hope everyone is alright tonight.

I can feel myself falling away from you all, slowly diminishing, slowly, yet surely, fading away from your view.

But you do know that I am always here, even if you cannot see me, do you?

I am disgusted.

You don't tell others what to do.

You don't.

Yay. Comparatively lesser worries than before for the whole of today.

Got a full day at last. And got wind of Elective presentation within 1 hour from the time we were dismissed. Got my ass moving and pumped all the stuff I can into an on-the-spot powerpoint along with Kevin, Jun Han and John. And I am quite surprised we did fairly well talking crap and what not.

Met Esmond to hand in SIP, then left to McDonalds at ECP for bowling, as mentioned by Kevin. Was offered Jolly Shandy along the way. I took a sip and decided not to drink it anymore. Promised that I wouldn't take alcohol. Lol. So there.

Bowling was fun. Still kind of scary how I can keep the ball rolling on the lane without falling into the drain for the majority of the game, despite not playing it for about a year already. Whee. Possibly good news.

Cycling next. I was thinking whether to go home or not at that point of time, until I finally decided that there was a bit of time to waste. So I spent 2 hours riding a 2-wheeled vehicle with a sling bag strapped to my back, making me look white and nerdy while Caitlin, Perle, Kenny, Kevin, Jun Han, Thomas and myself breezed through the cycling track from ECP to somewhere near Changi.

How we owned the entire track, as almost no one was around.

Caitlin and Perle fell off their bikes during the entire runthrough, possibly because we were speeding at a dangerous level. I didn't witness them fall though. I was way in front when Caitlin toppled off her bike, and way at the back with Kenny struggling to cross an over-vehicled road when Perle fell. Take care!

Ah well. Returned the bikes and treated to injuries back at McDonalds again. Talked a whole lot of crap while going home.

And now my mum is saying how stupid I can be and explaining why I can fail Maths. Fantastic.

I am probably just being selfish. Sorry.

And the backache just adds on to all the pain I am already facing.

I have chosen to stick to being optimistic, and be the regular self again.

However, it's going to take quite some time, as usual. I will try doing this alone.

They say that you are happy when exams are over. Somehow, it doesn't happen for me.

Reflecting back at what I have done over past time, it goes without doubt to say that I have been letting myself and a lot of others down with my immature actions.

I made many mistakes simply through the last 3 weeks alone. Too many.

Now that there is no more vigorous studying to do, I have been spending too much time alone, all by myself, speaking to myself, doing things to entertain myself.

But it's pure stupidity. Because there is only one of yourself. And talking to yourself is perhaps the craziest thing one can do.

I don't know anymore. Perhaps I am just too simplistic.

I have seen the true side of humanity. And it sucks.

"It was dusk. The force ordered an execution on me the following day without a reason. Of course, I was quite horrified at the thought of being beheaded, but they tortured me, starved me, up to the point whereby I was forced to give a false confession.

However, the following morning, something miraculous happened. A friend of mine hurried to the execution grounds, passed a document to the executor, and ordered my release with immediate effect. This gave me a new lease in life.

As a follow-up to my release, I honed myself to become a well-respected mercenary despite the hardship that I have faced in the earlier days. I spared no effort training every single day, and was transferred over to the elite team after some time."

"Night has fallen and more than half of the elite team is already dead. We were called up to place a resistance against the undead roaming in the streets of the city. When it was time to repay my friend for what he has done, I ran instead. From the distance, I could hear the sound of his flesh being stripped from his bones.

If I were allowed to go back in time. I would rather have been executed. Given a chance, I would prefer to die honourably than to be eaten by them. Besides, my conscience has been destroyed far beyond repair.

I have chosen to pull the trigger myself, with the hopes that my dead body will never come back to life again."



My name is Alice. And I remember everything.