“It's all about you.”

November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 October 2011 November 2011 January 2012 April 2012 May 2012

3 more days.

And I am not even fully prepared yet.

I just hope something will pop out in the blue, and help me everywhere I go for this week.

Studying sure takes a lot out of you.

Been through it for the whole morning and afternoon. And I haven't been eating properly since. Zzz...

Just a bit more time will do.

Moshimo hitotsu dake
Tatta hitotsu dake
Kanaerareru nara
Nani o inoru kana

Ima doko ni iru no?
Ima dare to iru no?
Aoi sora miyage…
Sotto toikakaeru

With you... sugu soba ni
Ita koro no kimi ga inai
With you... hanaretemo
Kawaranai to yakusoku shita noni

Tatoeba bokutachi ga omoide ni naru
Soba no nukumori ni wa kanawanai kara
Setsunai tameiki ga fui ni koboreta
Maiagare haruka tooku kimi ni todoku you ni

Kitto sono mirai
Boku wa mou inai
Sore dake no koto ni
Yatto kizuitai yo

For me... mayoitteta
Boku no se o oshite kureta
For me... hohoemi ni
Kakushite ita kanashigaru hitomi

Tatoeba bokutachi ga sayonara ni naru
Soba ni ite hoshii to sou tsubuyaite ita
Yarusenai omoi ga koe ni naranai
Semete kono inori dake wa kimi ni todoku you ni

Owarenai omoi sora ni hanashite
Tatoe hitori demo aruiteyuku kara

Sakura no hana ga mau ano hi no you ni
Mabushii omoide no hikari o utsushite
Setsunai tameiki ga iro azayaka ni
Maiagare kono omoi no subete todokete kure

Tatoeba bokutachi ga omoide ni naru
Soba no nukumori ni wa mou kanawanai kara
Sayonara wa mirai no tame ni aru kara
Maiagare haruka tooku kimi ni todoku you ni

I can't believe you, as a leader, lied.

Lied in the face of me.


Zzz. So many people not in school today. It made me feel so alone again. Heh.

Why do I keep having this lonely feeling...

I'm tagged by Kai Liang, although I have already done this on my own free will before...:

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn't make sense. NO CHEATING!
4. Tag 5 people at their tag boards to ask them to do this!
5. Bold the questions and with the answers, give your own comments on how it relates to the questions.

How are you feeling today?

Through The Arbor - Kevin Kern

Ooh yeah. A peaceful song. A peaceful day.

Will you get far in life?

Smooth Criminal - Michael Jackson

I will end up being a criminal that is so smooth, running on the wings of birds, doing whatever I like. And nobody can get me. Heh. Yupp, I can get darn far in life at this rate.

Will you get married?

I'll Be There - Koda Kumi

Lala. Hope to see you at the wedding. (:

What is your best friend's theme song?

London Bridge - Fergie

o.O I thought my best friends fancied the nursery song 'London Bridge'... Damn, I am wrong. Lol!

What is the story of your life?

Merry Christmas Mr Lawrence - Ryuichi Sakamoto

I see that my story has candy sticks and golden bells around me...

What was primary school like?

Yi Lu Xiang Bei - Jay Chou

Can I call that smooth sailing? o.O

How can you get ahead in life?

You and I, Unfulfilled Feelings (Instrumental) - Toshihiko Sahashi

Haha. I must generate more feelings to cover up this loneliness? (:

What is the best thing about your friends?

Where'd You Go - Fort Minor

Uhh, they like to leave me alone? o.O

What is in store for this weekend?

Supermassive Black Hole - Muse

... The end of the world is coming...

What song describes you?

Fate - Koda Kumi

Everything happens to me...

How is your life going?

Moon and Sun - Koda Kumi

The moon needs the sun, the sun needs the moon... That means someone needs me, and I need someone as well. Whoohoo. (:

What song will they play at your funeral?

Get Up and Move!!! - Koda Kumi

!!!!!! What the... This is total irony. o.O

How does the world see you?

Sotsugyou - Tackey and Tsubasa

Hmm. A song of grace and despair. The world thinks I am a graceful yet depressed person?

Will you have a happy life?

Aerith's Theme (Piano Version) - Final Fantasy VII

Zzz. Aerith died in FFVII.... So what will happen to me?

What do your friends really think of you?

One Love - Blue

WOAH. Thanks much. (:

Do people secretly lust after you?

Kiss Me Goodbye - Angela Aki

Oh no. Everyone wants me for the last time before they leave... LOL! (:

How can I make myself happy?

Fa Ru Xue - Jay Chou

Walk through the snow, drive through the cold weather. Although it freezes on the outside, my heart will always be warm inside. (:

What should you do with your life?

Jiang Nan - JJ Lin

Mmm. Perhaps I should fill my life with lots of inspiration, lots of energy, and lots of love. (:

Will you ever have children?

Total - Kevin Kern

Uhh... there are a total of...

I am plain lazy, so anyone can continue doing this. (:

I feel darn stupid today.

I forgot that there is always an egg in every bowl of ban mian.

And I accidentally punctured it during dinner today.

Zzz...

How hellish one day can be.

So many talks in one day. Left me practically half dead after everything. Moved to training after that.

So few people. So little time shared. So little speech made.

On the bus back home, I was weary. Lonely even.

All my efforts, all my time, has been spent for what I think is the greater good.

Others never think the same way as me.

So all that I have done, all that I have tried to do, comes down to nothing.

And it will practically persist for a long, long time.


Soft rain fell today.

Wind blew today.

Leaves fell today.

What a decent sight.

2nd day of Helmsman Week, and it's not very exciting, come to think of it.

Well, at least Kevin and Esmond being the 'models' in Broadway Dance cheered my day up quite a bit. Lol, they really can move.

That feeling of loneliness. It's coming again.

I think my days are taking a definite turn again. And it's getting really draining.

I think I am losing the will to fight soon. Slowly, I am losing it.

How I miss my friends. Badly.

This isn't a good sign. How far can I last till I finally fall?

Was walking home today after I alighted at the bus stop, and I caught sight of this guy walking across the road slowly. Really slowly. I caught up with him in seconds.

He was crying.

Life by itself is definitely unfair. There is no reason for one to wallow in sorrows. Really. But what can we do?

What can I do? I am helpless. I am weak. I am useless.

Nothing will beat me down now.

I swear, adrenaline rush is good for the mind and soul.

Was looking through all the junk in my room, and I found this piece of paper filled with the signatures of many VIP people.

It's the piece of paper from NACLI.

Labels: optimism

Some day they talk about.

Was going to take the MRT with Kevin after having dinner at Bedok. Beepers were sounding. Kevin moved forward quickly and got into the train.

And I was going to start running when the doors came closing and shut me out, seperating Kevin and I.

What the hell?

Suppress your emotions real hard.

And feel your way to nothing.

Torment is everywhere.

Be it light or heavy, it just slowly kills you.

Please don't pick up on the past anymore.

Let dead dogs lie, alright?

I know that you're hiding things
Using gentle words to shelter me
Your words were like a dream
But dreams could never fool me
Not that easily

I acted so distant then
Didn't say goodbye before you left
But I was listening
You'll fight your battles far from me
Far too easily

"Save your tears, 'cause I'll come back"
I could hear that you whispered as you walked through that door
But still I swore
To hide the pain when I turned back the pages
Shouting might have been the answer
What if I cried my eyes out and begged you not to part?
But now I'm not afraid to say what's in my heart

Though a thousand words
Have never been spoken
They'll fly to you
Passing over the time and distance holding you
Suspended on silver wings

And a thousand words
One thousand confessions
Will cradle you
Making all of the pain you feel seem far away
They'll hold you forever

The dream isn't over yet
Though I often say I can't forget
I still relive that day
You've been there with me all the way
I still hear you say

"Wait for me, I'll write you letters"
I could see how you stand with your eyes to the floor
But still I swore
To hide the doubt when I turn back the pages
Anger might have been the answer
What if I hung my head and said that I couldn't wait?
But now I'm strong enough to know it's not too late

'Cause a thousand words
Called out to the ages
They'll fly to you
Even though I can't see
I know they are reaching you
Suspended on silver wings

And a thousand words
One thousand embraces
Will cradle you
Making all of you weary days seem far away
They'll hold you forever

Oh, a thousand words
Have never been spoken
They'll fly to you
And carry you home
And back into my arms
Suspended on silver wings

It's been a thousand words
Called out to the ages
They'll cradle you
Turning all of the lonely years to only days
They'll hold you forever

A thousand words...

Caught a dizzy spell yesterday during Physics, and it was the first time in my entire life I succumbed to weakness.

I have a feeling I am losing myself already.

I feel terrible.

And I don't know what's causing it.

It ends tonight.

Imagine swapping a double Physics for a triple Biology, in turn eating up one of your breaks in school, and missing the chance to speak to your friends from V13.

How sad. Hur.

Wasn't exactly an eventful day. Even Maths Quiz was horrible. I have no hope of passing that, nothing comes close.

Had to copy Chinese homework (why am i telling this to the world??) after school because I haven't done it yet. Did a couple of things for Sharon because she wasn't in school today. Moved to the rifle range for some meeting with the rest of the Exco.

I think I am tired today. Or I think I am.

I said goodbye to you today at the bus stop.
You probably didn't hear it, and never looked back.


Yesterday was quite a blast.

Parent - Principal Teacher's Meeting yesterday, and it wasn't exactly as bad as I expected. Mr Chan's speech was long as hell as usual. Spoke about JC subject combinations. I found it quite useful, but too bad my father was too impatient to hear him out.

Teacher's meeting after that. Moved to meet Mr Chad Goh and Miss Ong. Both of them spoke about the students' future, and what can be seen from now and what we can improve on in the future. Quite inspiring.

Went back home after lunch at some random coffee shop with my father. Took my mind off a bit, played PS2.


Then I moved out of the house again to meet Kevin to go to Sharon's church musical. It was really quite retarded and funny, tell you the truth. How the actors acted out the fighting scene... Lol.

Good food served there after the play, even though the food was catered. I never thought I would see the chocolate eclairs sold at HomeTeamNS being served at the dinner. Went on an eclair spree, haha.

Sharon then came over and joined us, eating with us as we spoke. Some of Sharon's friends came along and spoke to us as well. Got to know more people in the world. (:

Left the place round 8.45pm. Sharon spared the time to walk us all the way to Buona Vista MRT station. Whoo. Thanks, mate. (:

And I was so tired I slept straight away. o.O

I am bored again. o.O

Alright, I shall randomise the names here a little bit.

Write down the names of 20 people, with odd numbers as your opposite sex and even numbers as your same sex:

1. Shermaine
2. Keith
3. Rhoda
4. Kevin
5. Chiu Yee
6. Jun Han
7. Priscilla
8. Thomas
9. Caitlin
10. Ahmad
11. Jillian
12. Kenny
13. Caitlin
14. Kai Liang
15. Sharon
16. Joshua Chong
17. Eunice
18. Christopher
19. Fang Lin
20. Esmond

1. What do you think of number 6? [Jun Han]
Wahh. Some divine being who converted from a rifle shooter to a pistol shooter just because he was too tall, and shot like 500+ with only 1 month's training. o.O

2. If number 9 tells you that he/she likes you, what will you do? [Caitlin]
Err, I would probably force myself to go take up more English lessons. But that's if I am still alive, because I would probably have committed suicide. LOL.

3. Where does number 10 live? [Ahmad]
Simei. Where exactly, I don't know.

4. Give 4 random facts about 5.[Chiu Yee]
1. Loves to use 'Eh Wad!'.
2. Buys food from place 2 to eat at place 1, even though the rest of the people she is with are eating food from place 1, at place 1. LOL.
3. Loves to speak.
4. Uh, she uses a hairband on some days, and doesn't use it on some other days?

5. What if number 2 and number 7 are together? [Keith and Priscilla]
I would probably not be surprised? Haha! Remember the time on the plane to USA, Keith?

6. Why did you put number "1" as the first name? [Shermaine]
I randomised everything! So I don't know. o.O

7. Have you ever gone out with number 3? [Rhoda]
Yeah. Along with all my other great mates in the same gang, because she's a great mate herself. Heh.

8. If number 4 and 6 were to fall into the sea, which one will you save first? [Kevin and Jun Han]
Wahh... Tis' a hard decision. I suppose both? But I guess they are both strong enough to swim back to shore. o.O

9. Do you prefer number 19 or number 17? [Fang Lin or Eunice]
Lol. One's a motivational CT Rep in my class, another's a motivational shooter in Air Rifle. (:

10. Do you think that number 11 is cute? [Jillian]
Wahh! I choose not to speak. LOL. Not that you are not cute, Jillian. It's just... Never mind.

11. What is number 20's favourite thing now? [Esmond]
Songs?

12. What if number 18 and number 16 quarrel? [Christopher and Joshua Chong]
Heh, over what? Who's the better shooter? HAHA.

13. What can number 20 do? [Esmond]
Lol, practically everything! Homework, sports, piano, guitar... (the list goes on)

14. How is number 13 and 15 related to you? [Caitlin and Sharon]
I knew both of them ever since the day I set foot into 06V13 to make more friends. Caitlin is my 'suan bag', while I am Sharon's punchbag. That considered a relation? (:

15. What if number 12 and number 19 are together? [Kenny and Fang Lin]
Lol. That's not going to happen! Kenny, eyes for no one but Yasmin, alright?! HAHA! (:

16. Are number 17 and number 14 friends? [Eunice and Kai Liang]
Yupp, senior and junior in Air Rifle.

17. Give the worst thing that number 2 and 3 done together. [Keith and Rhoda]
Uh, I don't know, and I don't wanna know neither. o.O

18. Is number 8 very excitable? [Thomas]
Lol! Of course. RVB, Thomas!!

19. What do you find worst about number 15? [Sharon]
Err, she practices wushu almost everywhere, even in the streets of Australia? And I get hurt in the process occasionally. LOL.

20. Do you always have fun with number 8? [Thomas]
What do you think, if both are us nutters? (:

21. What is number 13's favourite colour? [Caitlin]
PINK!!! XD

22. Is number 11 single? [Jillian]
I would probably guess not?

23. Have you ever fallen in love with number 1? [Shermaine]
What is wrong with this quiz and the previous one?! Whole day ask questions about us both... She's a great friend, but I have never thought of getting anything more than that. o.O

24. Does number 4 have a blog? [Kevin]
Duh? A big black one at that.

25. How are number 12 and 14 related? [Kenny and Kai Liang]
Uh, they are both humans?

26. Does number 16 like number 5? [Joshua Chong and Chiu Yee]
OMG!

27. If number 7 and number 9 both like number 18, and number 18 comes to seek for your advice, who will you want number 18 to choose? [Priscilla, Caitlin, Christopher]
-.-" I have no idea. Priscilla and Caitlin have their own strengths in their own rights. LOL.

28. Do you love number 10? [Ahmad]
As I have mentioned in the previous quiz, I will NEVER literally love a guy... But then again, he's one of my best mates. (:

List 5 person that has to do this quiz:
Anyone?

I should be doing something more constructive than this, but I suppose everyone just loves to slack sometimes. (:
Took this from Chiu Yee. Hope you don't mind.

Name 11 people you can think of right OFF THE TOP OF YOUR HEAD.
Don't read the questions underneath until you write the names of all 11 people.
This is a lot funnier if you actually randomly list the names first. No cheatin'.

1. Kai Liang
2. Chiu Yee
3. Kevin
4. Jun Han
5. Shermaine
6. Rhoda
7. Jillian
8. Priscilla
9. Ahmad
10. Thomas
11. Caitlin

HOW DID YOU MEET #4? (Jun Han)
Err, back in the old days in Victoria School. Was in the same Chinese class as him before both of us came into the VIP.

DO U LIKE ANYONE IN HERE?
Haha, I suppose I do.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU HADN'T MET #1? (Kai Liang)
I probably would go find out whether the greeting 'Good morning!' could be used as 'Good afternoon!' and 'Goodnight!' as well. o.O

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF #2 AND #6 WERE DATING? (Chiu Yee and Rhoda)
That's not right! At all! LOL.

HOW OLD IS #8? (Priscilla)
She's 16 years old on 15 May 2007.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF #5 CONFESSED HE / SHE LOVES YOU? (Shermaine)
!!!!! That's never going to happen! I would probably be so stunned that I would turn into a statue.

WHO'S #10'S BEST FRIEND? (Thomas)
Oi, Thomas! Tell me!

HAVE YOU EVER EATEN AROUND #1? (Kai Liang)
Yuppyupp.

DO YOU MISS #2? (Chiu Yee)
(:

WHO'S #6 DATING? (Rhoda)
Can I keep this quiet?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF #11? (Caitlin)
Haha, fine on the whole. (: The only problem would be that she doesn't speak Chinese well even though she's from Dunman High. LOL.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF #9? (Ahmad)
Woah. A joker? As in seriously. I found myself a worthy opponent. (:

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF #4 AND #7 WERE GOING OUT? (Jun Han and Jillian)
HAHA!!!!!! Talk about Wong Syndrome...

WHO DOES #2 LIKE? (Chiu Yee)
Lol, I can't say for sure. (: Probably everyone?

HAVE YOU BEEN INTO #8 HOUSE? (Priscilla)
Yeah. Private apartment with full-house air-conditioning. How wealthy, haha.

WOULD YOU MARRY #3? (Kevin)
What the... I am his b**** already, does that count?

DO YOU LOVE #10? (Thomas)
Literally? NEVER. But as friends, he's one of my best pals. (:

EVER SLEPT IN THE SAME ROOM AS ANY OF THE NUMBERS?
3, 4, 10

DO YOU TRUST THEM? I trust everyone with my life. (:

I am determined to stay stress-free.

And I know I will find it someday.

Up till now, I still am not quite sure of what I should or should not do.

I am sorry.

You getting tired already?


Sometimes, I guess walking in the shadows ain't that bad too.



Now and Forever - Richard Marx

Whenever I'm weary
From the battles that rage in my head
You make sense of madness
When my sanity hangs by a thread
I lose my way but still you seem to understand
Now and forever I will be your man

Sometimes I just hold you
Too caught up in me to see
I'm holding a fortune
That heaven has given to me
I'll try to show you each and every way I can
Now and forever I will be your man

Now I can rest my worries and always be sure
That I won't be alone anymore
And if I'd only known that you were there all the time
All this time

Until the day the ocean doesn't touch the sand
Now and forever I will be your man

Now and forever I will be your man

Thank you, Chiu Yee, for this song.

Left? Right? Or straight ahead?

I am lost.

And I have no one to confide in.