“It's all about you.”

November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 October 2011 November 2011 January 2012 April 2012 May 2012

I haven't the slightest idea what I am feeling today.

Training in the morning, like 11am. Took a bus at 9.45am, because I woke up earlier than I expected. It was 9.45 am because the bus was supposed to come at 9.30am but ended up jamming somewhere at the interchange or something. Made me wait for like 15 minutes for nothing. Waste of time, really.

Coach sprung some surprise test on Kai Liang, Christopher and me. Supposed to shoot 40 shots and do your best. I tried. And I came in last among the 3 anyway. At this rate, I am never going to do well and shoot in the Nationals. That would make 2007 the second consecutive year not taking part in this major competition. And I would feel all sad and lonely and jealous and angry and disappointed and depressed and...........never mind.

Played cards in the range again. Kenneth kacheow-ing Chiu Yee and me like once every 10 minutes.

(Playing Bridge)
Me:(Bidding) 3 Spades
Esmond: Pass.
Kevin: Pass.
Chiu Yee: Pass.
Me: Alright. My partner is Ace of Spades.
Kenneth (sitting beside Chiu Yee, looks at me, then at Chiu Yee's cards): Ooooooooh. Now I know why you called the Ace of Spades already. (laughs)
Chiu Yee and me: -.-

Came to about 2.30pm. Then all of us left to lunch. Kevin, Esmond, Chiu Yee and I went to KFC. Again. And I can't believe they ran out of cheese there. What the hell. There goes my Cheese Fries. Grr.

Followed Esmond to get a guitar string, because there is a string missing on his guitar. Rifle range getting upgraded in a day or so, so stuff inside got cleared out. Kinda weird for people to hold guitars and walking in public places. Some people were like staring at Esmond and Chiu Yee, because each of them were carrying one. Hur

Wanted to go update my passport photo, but ICA was closed. Zzz. Got scolded by my mum for not checking the opening hours. What the hell.

Hmm. I really dunno what to feel now. It's a mixture of feelings, but I dunno which is stronger.

Now I really don't know what to do.
I am scared.
I am depressed.
I am angry.
I am jealous.
I am lonely.
I am......
Forget it. You wouldn't want me to go on.

Labels: depression