“It's all about you.”

November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 October 2011 November 2011 January 2012 April 2012 May 2012

I am having trouble with myself now. Handling myself, of course.

I intended to sleep till 10am this morning before I go off for Air Rifle. But no, something inside me just kept being a nuisance and wake me up at 8am. And I couldn't go back to sleep after that. And I am beginning to worry for my own health because I haven't been sleeping really well for the past few months already. I am scared of losing myself to some weird illness and forever be binded to it or something.

So off for Air Rifle. Moved in and dry-fired for like 45 minutes before I went off to take a break. Unknowingly dozed off for like 15 minutes before my head hit the arm of the chair. Resumed dry-firing after that.

Shot 40 today. Sucks big time. I worry that I will never improve in the future. And I don't know what is wrong with me. Nobody knows me really well, so nobody can point out my true mistakes. I worry for myself because I might continue being like this in future.

I was all alone after that because almost everyone else had something to do. Walked silently to get lunch, top-up my EZ-link card, get a haircut and purchase goods for use in everyday life.

This is one such time in my life where I thought about a lot of things, even though I am silent and walking along the streets of Singapore. Sudden flashes of everything bothering me springs up in my mind. And I am scared I will not be able to solve all these problems soon. I am unwilling to confide these in anyone else because it's unfair to them. Yet I feel I am too weak to do anything to solve these problems.

But I suppose I can't be troubled.
Because I have to solve the troubles of others as well.
And I am willing to do it.
But I am afraid of not finding the best solution...

I didn't use my voice for 6 hours straight today.
Because I am all alone.

Labels: feelings