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Wednesday, May 02, 2007 || 9:54 PM
I am depressed. Sad at the same time.
I don't know about myself. I have a feeling I am losing my nerve. And I don't believe that almost no one realised that I was all alone, living in my own private soul, speaking to myself and putting on a solemn, serious face.
The depression started during Civics, when Miss Low announced the groupings for the Australia trip. Hsien Liang, Kelvin, Sharon, Xin Yue and me. Only one person to communicate to out of the other 4 group members. And I don't believe I didn't get any of my close friends in the same group. And I can't believe that I don't even have my own classmate to talk to. I never had worse luck in my life.
Moved off to training. Never imagined that Junjie and En Wei are absent for training again. Decided to run around school with Jun Han. Pull-ups after that. Then it was time for the Exco speeches.
Kept cool, and never said anything extra. I hope I struck an impact. But I am afraid of the reaction when one of us 8 nominees gets kicked out of the 7 posts available. And I dislike some the offensive and intimidating questions some of my seniors posed. If you want the club to continue as a club, maybe it's time to take these questions out. I really feel that it would help.
And I never imagined that I felt sad today. After 3 days of happiness, depression has finally pulled me down.
I think I am losing relations.
I am doubting whether I am the right person.
And I cannot push these thoughts away tonight.
Nor can I push them away in the future.
To think that I came this close to tears 3 times in a night...
...all because I am alone.
Labels: depression
