“It's all about you.”

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Back to school. After a week of Helmsman. Can't get back the mood to study.

Seemed to have forgotten half of what I revised in the previous weeks. Practically stoned through almost all the lessons today. Heh, but I didn't sleep at all. Typical.

Struggled through Economics today. Partly because the lesson was simply going through answers for some small test. Didn't really listen. How I wasted time there.

Then I moved to the range. Didn't have many people at first. Then I practically saw everyone who came down to train at least once before they went off. that's because I didn't train today. So I kind of waited around. For everyone.

And Daniel Ong knows about it. Thanks to Kenneth and his big mouth. Kacheowed me for like 20 minutes before they decided to leave me alone. Zzz.

Don't know what to feel now. Should I be happy? Should I be sad? Or should I just leave it undecided?

Labels: feelings

VIP Open House. Wasn't too worried about it.

Did the best that I could do. And I am quite sure I made most of the parents I served happy. Seeing them happy makes me happy too. Yay.

Then was mass dance. Hur. Perspired like crazy.

Chose to slack at V11 classroom after the whole thing for a while because of the air-con. Didn't get up until like 20 minutes later. Moved to the concourse to crap around with the peeps before going to Parkway to eat lunch.

KFC again. Hur. Stupid counter closed when I was like so close to making my order. Then I had to go to another line, where Thomas was. Then the counter came back on again. Damn them.

Didn't speak too much today. Perhaps it's because of everyone being in a weird kind of mood. Hur. That affects much.

I came to know two more juniors today, Yasmin and Wadee from 07V13. Kind of unintentional because they thought I was from 06V13, and came up to me and started speaking about stuff concerning V13. then I told them I wasn't from V13. They got stunned. But we still got to know each other. What a weird way to know your juniors.

It's a tiring day. But I am happy. You know the reason.

Yup. You know the reason.

Labels: happiness

I am pretty depressed. Like, right now.

I don't see the point in me emo-ing any longer. Because that really isn't my way of life. Perhaps it's time to change all that.

My life has changed much ever since the IP1s came in. Not because I like some of them, but because they are a cheerful bunch of people who never seem to succumb to depression or similar stuff. I suppose it's time to learn from them.

A lot of problems came out of the shore ever since I entered IP2. Many people from all directions seem to seek me for advice and help. But I am not running away from all this. I am standing where I am, firm and tall, and helping to overcome all these problems one by one. Perhaps it's time to do something more.

It's time to change my life. It's time to stay happy and forget the past. It's time to stay happy and embrace the future. It's time to be happy.

What would you do if I was gone?
What would I do if you were gone?
I would be sitting here, waiting for you to be back.
Would you?

Labels: feelings

I am sad. Because it didn't work out today.

Exco interview today. Got into the room and saw the current Exco members. And Mr Chow. Razed me down with crazy questions I hope I will never answer again in my life.

Mr Chow told me that I was boring. Fine. Kelly asked me how I was better than the rest. Fine. Joshua asked me what would happen if I didn't command the respect I should have when I got the position. Fine.

Maybe I am just being naive.
Maybe I shouldn't have tried out for the post.
Maybe I shouldn't have cried in front of the interviewers...

Labels: depression

Is loyalty enough?

Does loyalty help in friendships? It does.

But what if you don't know your friends well, on top of being loyal? They don't go together, ignorance and loyalty.

Flopped so many True Friend Tests. I am ashamed of myself. And I also let many people down.

Does everyone really have that high an expectation on me? I wished I could do something about it.

In this case, I am all alone.

But I am doing my best.

Don't worry about me. I will be waiting for you to come back.

To Esmond,
If you are reading this, I am sorry for flopping your test. Guess I am not up to it.

To Kevin,
If you are reading this, I am sorry for ka-cheowing you over the past 1 year and a third.

To Rhoda,
If you are reading this, I am sorry for not being able to help much over the past few weeks.

To Jillian,
If you are reading this, I am sorry for not being able to communicate much with you and your 2 twin sisters.

To Kenny Chua,
If you are reading this, I am sorry for not tagging on your blog that often.

To Shermaine,
If you are reading this, I am sorry for failing French.

To Chiu Yee,
If you are reading this, I am sorry for making you wait, time and time again.

I am sorry. Because you 7 people are the only ones whom I know stops by here frequently. I owe you that much.

Labels: depression

Hmm. I can't believe I woke up late today. 7 instead of 6. Ruined my plans for the day.

Rushed like crazy to get changed and everything, just to get down to HomeTeam NS at Bukit Gombak to support some of out shooters in the competition finals. Called Daniel Ong to tell him I will be late. Got out of the house and onto the train in like 10 minutes. Sat in the train for 1 hour, and didn't do anything because I forgot to get my Final Fantasy 8 guide amidst the hurry. Damn.

Reached in like 50 minutes. 8.20am. Scheduled to meet at 8. Surprised to see that Daniel Ong and gang weren't perturbed. Moved to destination. Got in and went into the electronic range for Jun Han's detail.

Really cool gadgets and stuff. Those who missed it, bad luck. Heh. Jun Han got nervous, I suppose. He didn't shoot too well. Him ending up sad and depressed after the shoot. Don't be depressed, ya? We know you did your best.

Stuck around to watch Khairul and Fang Xiao shoot as well. Then came the prize presentation. Acquired my very first medal in my Air Rifle career. A bronze medal for the team efforts in the competition last week. Special thanks to Jun Han and Kai Liang for working hard. Let us aim for a better score in Nationals!

Moved to the MRT station. Took it to Yishun instead of Jurong East, because I couldn't stand getting stuck in a train for almost 1 hour, like this morning. Kevin tagged along. Moved to play Ghost Squad. Owned Kevin again. Enough said.

Made my own way home with 969. Reached home feeling kinda normal. Didn't have many special feelings today. Though a lot of stuff happened when I was using the computer today. People not knowing things. People venting their thoughts. It's a rough ride.

But I am here. It doesn't matter what kind of stuff you throw at me. Who knows, I might have been born to endure your pain and suffering. So, just call on me when you need me.

You never know what you get into. You can never be too sure neither. It's best to know that someone's got your back.

Take my test. Who knows. You might be the friend I am looking for.

http://www.truefriendtest.com/friendtest/274320

Labels: peace

One day. One long day. One long and tiring day.

Lessons were pretty crappy today. I don't understand how I actually stoned a bit through Economics. Guess my energy level went down like crazy and really fast today.

Makeup Biology lesson today during EA. Nearly couldn't take it. I never wanted a lesson at that time of the day any lesser than that. I was restless. I just needed to get out of class and do something...

Then I got out. Finally. After waiting like crazy. Moved to Air Rifle Range. Packed like crazy too. Waited for space by playing cards and doing a bit of work. Crapped a lot there.

My turn to shoot. Didn't have enough air in my pistol. Compressor wasn't working too. Shots got cut short by half. Only shot 40. Damn.

Then played Hearts again. Mr Chow in the game this time. Managed to 'Shoot The Moon' and blast everyone with 26 points apiece. I'm good, ya?

Moved off for dinner then. With Chiu Yee and En Wei. To Bedok hawker centre. Selected banmian. Hur. Finished faster than Chiu Yee again. ZZZ. And I still had time to finish a cup of longans. Double ZZZ.

Took a MRT. Finally remembered and managed to pass it to her. I am 1 week late....

Peace.
Eternal peace.
I am content.
Because that is all I needed to see and hear.

Labels: peace

ZERO.

I shot a ZERO. I shot a ZERO. I shot a ZERO. I shot a ZERO. I shot a ZERO. I shot a ZERO. I shot a ZERO. I shot a ZERO. I shot a ZERO. I shot a ZERO. I shot a ZERO. I shot a ZERO. I shot a ZERO. I shot a ZERO. I shot a ZERO. I shot a ZERO. I shot a ZERO. I shot a ZERO. I shot a ZERO. I shot a ZERO. I shot a ZERO. I shot a ZERO. I shot a ZERO. I shot a ZERO. I shot a ZERO. I shot a ZERO. I shot a ZERO. I shot a ZERO. I shot a ZERO. I shot a ZERO.

AHHH. I will never forgive myself for that.

It's a sad day. Really sad. But at least VJC won the soccer match with a 3-0.

Labels: depression

I can't believe it's another tiring day again today.

Pretty tired through the whole of today. Though i was stunned when I managed to get 3 drinks out of the vending machine with only 50 cents. I get lucky pretty consistently. Gave the 2 extras to Wen Qian and Desmond. Felt that I didn't need nor deserve those.

More lessons. Then the June trip briefing. Got Australia. Pretty jealous of those who got Italy. Zzz... Nonetheless, I have my mates to take care of me.

Then Air Rifle. Mr Chow coming in to scold us all again. Nothing to say here.

Junior's minicomp after that. The juniors had talent, all of them did. I feel so discouraged. At this rate, I will be the only one left behind.

After training, tagged along with Chiu Yee, Esmond and En Wei to Parkway, because Chiu Yee wanted to get a watch for her sister's birthday. Came to realise that I had no good relations with my siblings at all. But what does it matter? They don't treat me pretty well. So might as well.

Moved off home. On 31. With a peaceful heart.

Labels: peace

Pretty screwed up day.

Got back quite a few test papers back today. Sucked big time. Can't believe I failed Chemistry. That's like the worst thing that can ever happen to me. Failure.

Meagre passes in a lot of subjects. Totally lost steam during break today. Went all quiet and emo and sad.

Nobody noticing anything. Nobody realising that I was all alone.

Nobody.
Well. Alright, maybe just one person.
But what happened to the rest of the world?
I suppose I am created to be left behind after all.

Labels: depression

Yesterday. A day of happiness and sorrow.

Yeah, well, moved to school at like 6.15am, because my father was still sleeping. Took a 31. Reached at like 6.35pm. What the hell. Decided to wait at the bus stop for Chiu Yee, seeing as though she's gonna reach soon anyway.

Then she reached, wearing a red jacket. I suppose it was cold that morning, cos I was wearing the ARC jacket too. So, we moved in to the VJC range.

Had to do my job as the IC for the day. Checked the weapons. Checked that everything was in place. Checked that everyone was there. What a rough job. And I got the new ARC jersey. Name printed on the wrong side. Didn't really matter.

Moved the weapons up onto the chartered bus. Hitched a ride to HomeTeam NS for the competition. Kinda nervous there. Didn't really think about much too.

Then we reached. Moved into the Air Weapons Range. Uber cold. Froze like hell in there. We shifted into some corner of the range, unpacked our stuff and started to camp. People around starting to get ready for their details. Me? I just sat there and watched.

So time passed by pretty quickly. Then it was noon already. Moved to the cafeteria 1 floor below for lunch. Ate spaghetti. A lotta stuff happened there too. Don't want elaborate though.

Then my detail came. Didn't really lose control. Shot like it was regular shooting. Though I got really high during the 4th series. Maybe that was why I lost out on points near the end.

Waited after my detail for Ahmad to Esmond to shoot theirs. A lotta people were kinda pissed off. Don't blame them. They got the right to.

Results came out. A 500. Scraped my target. Was quite happy at that time. Though I worry that I will continue shooting like this forever. Congratulations to Jun Han for hitting 530.

Moved off with the whole group of people remaining to Jurong Centre. Dinner at Long John Silver. Didn't eat much, didn't complain either. Observed the whole group of people there. People were joking. People were laughing. People were.....sad?

I guess this would happen all the time in life. You get sad over really unnecessary things. It's just not a great way to spend your life like that though. I suppose having no feelings would help slightly.

But on the flip-side, you can't feel happy, can you?

My greatest regret in my life?
Remaining silent and unhappy for nearly 9 years.
I want to change that.

Suddenly feel like pulling this blog down, because almost no one comes to visit it. Maybe I should. Maybe I shouldn't. I will leave that to you to decide. Peace out.

Labels: feelings

Today. Was quite messed up. Really.

Combined assembly today. Came to know that I am the contact point during the Open House on 28 March 2007. To anybody residing in Singapore who is currently Sec 2 this year, please come!

Chemistry lesson. Got this open-book test. Didn't really focus, but I could find nearly all the answers in the notes, so not much worries there.

Chinese. Test papers back. 54 half. I am so screwed.

Biology. Got scolded because we were slow in greeting the teacher. What the hell.

Physics and Civics were non-existent because Mr Goh was involved in IP1 Helmsman. So yeah.

Then Air Rifle. Sucked big time. Don't wanna elaborate.

It's a sad day. But I am happy.

Labels: depression, happiness

Today was good. Really good.

Lessons after Review Week can really suck. But I suppose that's the only thing students can do.


Hmm. Then came Service Learning at around 2.30pm. Saw her at the grand piano while coming out of LT5. Got really scared and shy again. Kinda avoided her again. Sigh. Till when do I keep this up....

Then the kids. Today was really fun. Told them how to play hangman. And they perceived me being the guy getting hanged in the game. What the. Hmm, it was the last session too. So we bade goodbye to the kids. For the last time.

Then Esmond, Lemuel, En Wei and I moved to Junction 8 for KFC. For the last time at Bishan together again. And I saved $1.20 there. Simply because I traded my whipped potato for cheese fries. Lol. I suppose the cashier wasn't paying attention.

MRT back home. Got acquainted with my iPod yet again. Morale went up really high. And it will persist till the end of today.

I am very happy today.
Really, really happy.
I just don't know the reason why?
Maybe... it's just you?

Labels: happiness

Today's a screwed up day. I dunno why. But yeah, it's screwed up.
Supposed to be training at 11am today, but I got busy with my gun's grip. So hence, I have to spend like 45 minutes trying to take off the stupid masking tape I placed there for 1 year and replace it with card. Then came training.

*Loads pellet, draws up pistol and aims at target*
SC thinks: "Hmm, alright. This should be a 10-pointer. Yes, yes.......FIRE!"
*Presses the trigger*
*Gun goes 'click'*
SC: "!!!!!!!!"
So the gun was in dry-fire mode, and I didn't get the 10. Damn.

Then coach came to prep-talk for next week's competition. Made a lot of people kinda nervous.
Then Joshua and Daniel Ong and Esmond were contemplating whether to go Parkway for lunch or not, because all the rest of us were going Tampines. Ended up forsaking them. Yet again.

Then 31 came. And I was wet because of the stupid rain. Damn it. Then the girls were like talking like and laughing like crazy, I dunno why. Then they were deciding where to eat. Walked past KFC, Cafe Cartel, Burger King, MOS Burger, whatever. Then we stopped outside Yoshinoya. Then we went in.

Kai Liang, Jun Han and I decided to get a 4-person meal, with that extra bwl of rice being shared by all of us. I can't believe that we finished it all. Cos I realised that Chiu Yee and Shermaine couldn't even finish half their bowl of food. What a waste of good food.

Then the girls wanted to go shopping in Tampines Mall. Decided to leave with Jun Han for home. So that I can play my PS2 and get my head sawed off in Resident Evil 4. Ugh.

So I suppose this is the end of another chapter in my story.
Would you help me start the next one?

Labels: depression

I am scared.

Scared of a lot of things.

I am scared of losing my dreams.

I am scared of losing my good/best friends.

I am scared of losing my lifetime hopes.

Honest. I don't want to lose anything. I am scared of losing something. Anything at all.

I really don't want such a life.
I am very tired. Tired of venting my sorrows on you.
In the end, you are simply standing there taking all the damage...
...and not saying a single word.
I am sorry.
Please. Give me a renewal...

Labels: apology, depression

This is all just the beginning. A vista of frightening possibilities awaits.

Hopefully, your final prayers have been appeased.

Have one hell of a week, my friends.

Whatever I have said or done previously...
I hope it will not affect you in anyway for this coming week...
I will be standing here...
Hoping with you...

Labels: Review Week