“It's all about you.”

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What's done is done. No looking back now.
I am sorry for the cowardice, the hesitation, whatever that made you anticipate this much.
I guess I was simply too scared to admit it, too scared to see you sad, too scared to ruin your day.
But, looking at your reaction after I have done it, I guess it wasn't a wasted effort after all.
For that, thank you.


I am a useless bugger.

I can't even say what I want to say....

ARGH.

Labels: anger

How does it feel when you receive a crippling blow?

Painful, isn't it? Currently experiencing it one after another right now.

Some people call me a loner. Well, I suppose you don't see me around because some of you leave me alone for your own reasons.

Some people say I am anti. Well, partially, because I have my own stuff to worry about.

Some people say I am unhelpful. Well, that's your own problem, because you don't have to depend on me for anything, and I myself don't owe you anything in return.

Some people call me a f***face. Well, yeah, carry on, if that makes you happy.

I currently, and will always, have nothing to say about this kinda things. Whatever things you want to say, just say it, I don't really care anymore.

However, should you ever try to shirk responsibility again, I will hunt you down. I promise you this much.

I am sick, pissed and incredibly angry after what has happened over these 2 weeks.
I don't want to ruin my life, so I am simply letting you off for this once. Just this once.
Fatigue draws near everyday. I don't want to succumb to it, so don't you dare piss me off again.

Labels: anger

Monthly shoot was... okay.

498 outta 600. That's a 22 point improvement from the NTU Invitationals.

Truthfully, I kind of expected it to suck a bit, seeing the way i shoot for the past 1 year and a quarter.

After my shoot, I hung around a little and played Yugioh on Game Boy Advance because Esmond and Ahmad were shooting their detail. So yeah.

Then they finished. Esmond ending up quite pissed because spectators from some secondary school couldn't control their mouths. Ended up trying to 'shhhhhhh' them.

Then we moved out to the games arcade to get in a game of Time Crisis 2. Did pretty badly. One coin still, but left with 1 life. Damn.

Then we moved to KFC for a late lunch. Nothing much to say here.

Then I couldn't take it anymore and dozed off on 969 along with Ahmad, while Esmond walked back to Safra Yishun all by himself.

Then I reached home feeling all dizzy and tired. What a ride.

Oh, and thanks to all those who kept me company during Cages yesterday night. Really appreciate it.

I wait for the day...
...where I can finally take a serious break from all my troubles.
I am just a coward. I am sorry.


Bad luck.

Left foot got rolled over my father's car about 3 hours ago. Enough said.

Thank heavens I can still move.

It has been the second 'near serious injury' time I had in 5 days.

I dunno.

Will I have to always look over my shoulder for danger everytime?

Well, if I do die, I suppose I will never see you again, will I?

...I know you are watching me.

...for you.

Labels: depression, near-serious injuries

It's been one short week, and already so many problems are popping out.

So many people going all sad, so many people going all depressed.

I really wished I could do something to save this.

Really. But what do I do?

Look at myself. I can't even do anything to save myself from a simple fall from a ledge.

It's going to be a long while before I finally find myself.

Maybe it's another 10 more weeks.
Before we get together again....
I'll be waiting here.
Silently.



Thus ends the Air Rifle Club.

Kind of expected it to suck a bit, and it did.

Nothing out of the ordinary happened during the camp, though Chiu Yee and I got lied to by our teacher-in-charge. Proves that I am a faithful person.

Hmm, but is trust in others ever gonna pay off? Some people might just take advantage of this and betray me.

Really depressed now, partially due to the fatigue demonstrated during the camp. The other half of reasons would be due to people around me telling me what an ass I am. Take the floorball match with CT council as a really great example.

Got a thrashing. 8-0. Our teacher-in-charge got so mad, he opened a can of whoop-ass for all of us to try. Vented how unfit we were, how stupid we were, how untactical we were.

Sucks to be me, really.

Holidays going to end soon. Hope all of you had a great time.

P.S. Thanks to the people who kept me company during the Air Rifle camp. Shan't say too much here. Peace out.

Labels: camp, depression, holiday

Practically working my ass off here.

Call this a holiday.

And my homework situation is getting desperate by the day.

By why am I not caring about it? Of course, the Air Rifle Camp.

But, why am I sacrificing so much for the camp details when so little people are going?

It's not fair, seriously.

Labels: holiday, sacrifice, unfairness

Perhaps today is the day where I mark it as 'Emo Day', I don;t know.

Because almost everyone I know goes all sad and gloomy.

Heh, let's start with PE. Some of the class girls were like crying and panting because they were like struggling to pass their 2.4km run. Almost everyone's face was down.

Then came break. The only moment to see the V13 people putting on gloomy faces because they just had their Physics test and they know that they are kind of screwed or something, I don't know. Kevin seems like the only exception, though. He was gloomy because of other stuff.

Then came Maths. I nearly went nuts upon receiving my Binomial Theorem assignment when I saw that I got another 3 for method marks again.

Then came Chemistry. Mr Teo was like all gloomy because the whole class was late and I think that he was pretty upset because of us fooling around during the experiments.

Then came the end of school. People all around school, such as the IP1s and Kevin again went all gloomy because they had their own problems on their minds and I made Chiu Yee emo because I didn't ask for what I wanted to borrow from her properly and she went all sad and gloomy when she boarded her bus and ended up missing her bus stop when I sent here SMS saying I am sorry.

The world just doesn't seem round at this point of time. And to think that I was happy yesterday.

I desperately require the holidays, because I know that it will be the only time whereby and escape from all these troubles.

But, then again, how far can I run?

Labels: desperation, gloom, problems

So another special day in a special year passes by just like that.

A normal day, perhaps, with abnormal spirit in the air.

Let's start with yesterday. Our principal gave us a day off, which meant that I can do whatever I wanted to do. So I chose to hang out with the old lags again. Moved into the V13 classroom to find many people rushing to complete their Chinese homework. I waited patiently and played a game or two with the peeps. I was in a good mood, and nothing was bothering me.

Then, everyone finished their work in twos and threes. Nothing to do, we decided to move to Siglap's Secret recipe to have tea, because Kevin and Jillian claimed they wanted to try the cakes there or they will die.

Moved in and grouped 4 tables together. Funny enough, I was left with the seat at the short corner of the 4 joined tables. Sat down without thinking and all of us were choosing cakes here and there.

Didn't know what to eat at first. Then Jillian came up running and said,"Hey Shengy, hurry up and pick a cake! Must pick hor!" I went 0.0, and took a chocolate cake.

Played with the guys sitting beside me, Thomas and Keith. Mass danced with our fingers. Another 0.0.

Then Rhoda came along holding a slice of cake on a plate with a fork beside it and placed it in front of me. I thought I was going to start eating when I realised there was a candle popping out of the spot where my fork would have stabbed.

A lighted candle.

Then everyone went,"Happy birthday..........."

Stunned, I closed my eyes and listened. My heart was crying at that very moment.

I was lied to. Lied to in a very happy way.

Of course, that was the reason why Kevin and Jillian wanted to move to Secret Recipe to get cakes. All my friends wanted to celebrate my birthday one day early.

I never appreciated them more. Then Rhoda, Priscilla and Jillian went giving me a co-present. Within the present, it meant just 4 words: I am Kevin's bitch.

Lol. Oh, Rhoda, Priscilla and Jillian are officially the 'kids' of Kevin and myself. 0.0

So all the people present at Secret Recipe tipped in a bit more money to give me a treat. Imagine how guilty I feel now, haha.

Then we moved to Jillian's house for mahjong and other weird games. Then again, I never felt this happy in my entire life.

Saying out a really sincere 'Thank you so very much!!' to this bunch of kids who made my day (in no particular order):
Kevin (of course, the king is always at the top)
Rhoda
Priscilla
Jillian
Jun Han
Thomas
Keith
Kenny
Ahmad
Esmond
Jourdan
Fang Lin
Ying Hua
David
Shi Hang
Nicole
Wen Qian
Le-Anne
Serena
Sesil
Teng
Anyone I missed? Doesn't matter, you are in too.

It's just heart-warming to know I still have 10 months to spend with you. I will live with no regrets.

Labels: happiness

I need someone to talk to.

Serious. I simply have too many things kept up inside my soul already. It's gonna burst soon.

I am a failure. I always fail in whatever I do. I fail whatever targets I set for myself. I just fail to get things done.

And there's those problems in which I deem unnecessary, but they appear in my life like mosquitoes. It's annoying, and I can't do a single thing to solve it.

The world is just plain big. How much time would it take to find that small group of people who will understand how I feel?

Labels: destiny, failure, problems